WIRED

Okay, so this is me right now.

Forgive me if I go on any tangents in this post, its not me, another force has taken over.

So, I went to Starbucks today cuz I received a gift card and like any other gift card I've ever had it was totally burning a hole in my pocket. Are gift cards not the best? There's something about me though that I can't hang onto them, I have to use it right away.

Now, Starbucks is one of those places I would never step foot in unless I had a gift card so that made it even more of a special treat. In fact, I rarely ever drink coffee. I have friends and relatives addicted to the crap so I don't want to be one of those people who spend on coffee what a chain smoker would spend on cigarettes.

Anyways, I walk in the door and the first tip off to the coffee attendant cashier girl that I've never been there before was the fact that I was actually looking at the menu. I was probably the only patron to do that all day. While I was pretending to understand what I was reading I waved about three people past me in line who proceeded to order something that sounded like Latin without even glancing at the menu. It was evident that these were no coffee rookies. I decided that staring at the menu was no longer an option and I jumped back in line like a child would heading into some double dutch jump ropes. The people behind me looked very disappointed and almost disturbed that I didn't wave them past me in line as well.

So the girl behind the register, we'll call her Jasmine (sounds like a perfectly good Starbucks employee name) asks me, "What can I get you."

Just then I notice a refrigerator to the left of me that had some drinks similar to what I would find at a gas station mini mart. I recognized the Starbucks double-shot can and remembered enjoying one of those a couple times. "Can you make me something that tastes like a double-shot", I asked.

"Sure, not a problem", says Jasmine.

"It'll taste just like what it would in the can, right", I ask.

"Yep, and if it doesn't we'll keep making it until you like it", she assures me.

Right on, I thought. She asks me my name, writes it on the cup and I proudly whip out my gift card with a smile.

"They will call your name when your drink is ready", she said.

I already knew that but I'm sure at that point it was conceivable for Jasmine to think that this was quite possibly my first Starbucks visit ever. Little did she know that I actually visited the first Starbucks ever built in Seattle when I was there a couple years ago. I bet none of the other Starbucks veterans in the shop could say that! It made me feel a little less out of place to think that.

"Joe!", shouted another girl from behind the counter, we'll call her Tabitha. "Your drink is ready!"

I take my cup, insert straw and take a sip fully expecting it to taste nothing like it did in the can. Well whatta ya know! It was perfect! I sucked that baby down in no time flat.

Before I left I said to Jasmine, "That was good, how should I ask it to be made if I go to another Starbucks and they don't know how to make it?"

She said, "It's easy, it's just five espresso shots, a little sweetner, and some milk."

"FIVE SHOTS!?!,

Holy crap Jasmine or whatever your name is. Are you trying to kill me? I asked for a double shot, not a freakin' quadruple shot plus uno shot (wasn't sure what five would be called)."

She seemed completely unfazed.

I left feeling fine but it wasn't long before I started getting the jitters. Now it's almost two in the morning and I can't sleep. This sucks. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I can't make any noise cuz everyone else is sleeping. Dude, I have three kids, I'm the one who needs sleep! I've colored with crayons, organized the fridge and sorted pictures on my hard drive. Now I'm writing this. There's a book someone let me borrow that I'd really like to read and this would be the perfect opportunity to do so but I left it in the car.

Aaaarrrggghhhhhhhh!

So, it looks like I'm gonna be up for a while, thanks to Jasmine.

I still have some money left on the gift card so next time I'm just buying the double-shot can.